i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
