apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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