Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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