I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The air taste purple.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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