I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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