The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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