woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
