Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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