I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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