pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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