dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
