you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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