Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will pee on everything he values.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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