i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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