Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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