If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
