this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
