Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
