Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
