I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
