North Korea, Best Korea!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
