I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
