His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
