So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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