what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
