I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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