my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
