the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
