walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
