just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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