on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
