Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
