I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
