the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
