so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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