i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
