Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
