You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
