That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize