Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
