The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
