I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
