apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
