Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
