um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
