I'm eating all of the evidence.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
