he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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