but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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