can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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