I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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