filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
