Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
