i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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