It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
