I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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