Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize