thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
