mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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