Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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