They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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