The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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