My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
