She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
