Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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