Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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