booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
