I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
