did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
