she takes plan B like it's going out of style
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
