there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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