Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
