I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
