Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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