Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
