If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
