So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
