So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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