11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to cum in my sink.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
